I've thought long and hard about whether or not to write this blog post, the content is personal but it's also important that the message I have is shared. There's a lot of life lessons to be learnt here - for you and me, and I want this blog post to be an inspiration to you as well as a hug if you're going through bad times yourself.
So with that said, this blog post is going to be entirely different from the other posts on this site - I don't think it'll be the last of this kind, but life is full of surprises, so please bear with me.
Something happened to me this week that will inevitably change my life. My partner and I broke up. Some people will see that as a big deal, others won't and your opinion is your own to have, but for me it's a massive deal. We've known each other for almost four years, we've been in a relationship close to three and a half of those years and I can honestly say it has been the most incredible time of my life! Together we traveled New Zealand, Bali and Australia, we've completed Bucket List items and we bought our first home together last year. I am writing this blog post from the dining table we built together, underneath the gallery wall brimming with photos from our travels. I have a view of the decking we built together, the rabbits we've treated like our children and the canvas prints we bought before we even moved in (they are so us!) It all seems so sad and heart breaking - and believe me, I'm heartbroken. A big part of me feels empty, as though everything that felt right in my life has just suddenly evaporated and all of a sudden I feel like a rabbit caught in the headlights.
The reasons for which we broke up is not important and won't be discussed here, they're important and personal to me and no doubt for him - we've both got our own lessons to learn from this; but for me it's how I recognise those lessons and how I'm going to implement changes to better myself from this moment on.
I need to acknowledge what I do have - I have a beautiful roof over my head, he is still (and always will be) a great guy I know he won't leave me out on the streets and I still trust him, I have a great job which I love and I have recently qualified as an Interior Designer - something I have been working hard to achieve this year. My family and friends, albeit they don't live close enough to pop over for a coffee, but they have all called me, they have all rallied round and shown their support - a support network I have only recently realised was there! And here I am broken, physically alone, somewhat financially poor and yet I am brimming with positivity because I know I am going to be okay, come what may.
He is with his family, he is healing in his own way. I am healing in my own way, I am taking my time to breathe and think. I have some decisions to make, not right now but when the hurt has subsided a little and when our minds are clearer. Do I want us to get back together, if he even wants to in time? If not, do I want to stay here? Do I leave the house and job I love? Shall I move back home? Can I even afford to? All of these questions are big and they are scary; they are questions I never even imagined I'd ever have to ask myself. I always envisioned I would marry this man, have children with him and grow old with him. All of a sudden the plans I'd subconsciously made for our future have been torn away from me and there isn't a back up plan. But that's the lesson here! You can only live in the here and now, the future isn't always what you expect and you can't live in that happy little bubble in your mind where everything is perfect. Sometimes the future is ugly. Sometime's it's full of storms and rough seas - but of course, we never plan for those storms to happen and they take us by surprise.
What I'm trying to say is it's great to plan for the future, it's great to have goals but it's also important to prepare a back up plan. What's going to happen if things don't turn out the way you'd hoped? Whether they're your dreams or shared dreams nothing in this world is guaranteed.
For me, right in this moment my health and my career are all I need to be focusing on right now. My love life needs time to heal and space to breathe, whatever happens we'll both come out of this as better people.
When it comes to health you should always look after number one first, if you are happy and healthy then it emits rays of happy sunshine from within you and it impacts those around you. If you're depressed or ill then again it will affect those around you even still, but it's whether those around you are willing to support you through those bad times and acknowledge that this isn't "you" and help you get back to "you". If they aren't willing to support you, then are they really the kind of people you need to be surrounding yourself with?
When it comes to your career it is important to be focused and to set clear goals, but don't let it consume you or your home life or your partner. As a single pringle I could spend every minute of my free time focusing on building my career - but will I actually ever see another human being this year if I did that? Would I actually leave the house? I can bet not, knowing me. There's a line that must be drawn, but it's knowing where to draw that line whether you are single or not.
The most important thing for me is ambition, drive, passion. If you have the drive to be the best possible version of yourself then you have the drive to be the best boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, father/mother, family member, colleague and boss anyone could ask for. If you don't invest time in yourself and do things that make you happy then you will only resent yourself and those around you. Your achievements will turn into your bad decisions and those you love will turn into your enemies. Find the happy medium, draw that line but be true to yourself.
Love and hugs,